A Cowboy for Christmas Read online

  “Shh,” she said. “Let’s not talk. Let’s not think. Let’s just—”

  She never got the rest of the words out because his mouth was closing over hers again and he was kissing her like they were already joined.

  It was all teeth and tongue and lips and heat and a heartbreaking bittersweetness. He ate her like she was the best tasting cake in the world, as if he could eat and eat and eat her and never get sated.

  He reached to untie the strings of her skimpy costume, his fingers unexpectedly cool and a sweet relief to her blistering hot skin. She arched her back, thrusting out her chest, eager to feel his lips on her breasts.

  She ran her hands along his upper arms. They were hard as concrete.

  “Let me take care of you, Lissy. I want to take care of you. Just for tonight. Don’t fight me on this. Give up your pride and let me take you where you need to go.”

  She wanted to argue because it was so easy for her to turn over the reins. She’d fought for her newfound independence and she didn’t want to fall back into old habits. But her body, damn her treacherous body, wanted nothing more than to give it all up to him, let him be in charge, take control, meet her needs.

  That’s what was different here, she realized with a jolt as his mouth, oh his spectacular mouth, closed over one of her erect nipples, while his wicked hands worked the straps of her costume down over arms. He was looking after her needs rather than pulling her along with him in pursuit of his own satisfaction. Would it be so wrong to simply surrender?

  The more he stroked her with his tongue, the more tension gathered, tightening, concentrating in one throbbing location. He seemed in no hurry, leisurely caressing and kneading and massaging her body in miraculous ways.

  Time elongated, moved in glorious slow motion. She lost track of everything except him, his mouth alternating between tender and commanding. At one point she tried to get him to hurry, to put out the raging blaze between her legs, but he resisted her anxious urging.

  While his tongue was occupied teasing her nipples, his hand traveled down her side to the small of her back, attuned to her every nuanced response and adjusting his pressure according to her soft noises of pleasure. He discovered erogenous zones she never knew she had.

  In languid movements, he removed the rest of her clothing, slowly sliding the black fishnet over her legs as if peeling the skin from a banana. Once she was fully undressed, he dispatched this own clothing and she saw for the first time his naked body.

  Her breath stilled in her lungs at the sight of him and she realized that he too was holding his breath as his gaze took her in. He was as awestruck with her body as she was with his.

  His hands were on her again, sliding smoothly over her waist, and she arched into him. They both kept their eyes wide open, staring into each other, searching deeply and finding what they were both searching for. Acceptance.

  Together, they sank to the living room rug.

  He kissed her navel and each hipbone, then finally, with a laugh, buried his face in the V between her legs. She twined her fingers through his hair and tugged lightly.

  Rafferty teased and explored until she felt like a wild, untamed horse. She bucked, begged, and arched her back. He straddled her, pinned her wrists to the comforter, and stared down at her. Her heart thumped. She should have been scared or at least unnerved a bit. But while this man was powerful, she was not afraid of him. She trusted Rafferty.

  With her life.

  From somewhere he produced a condom and she helped him roll it on. Then they went back to kissing for a long, sweet time, the towering pressure building higher and hotter in them both.

  He made a low growling noise in his throat. “I can’t take any more. I have to have you,” he murmured into her ear.

  She thrust her hips up at him.

  He was in her then, slick and hot. She gasped at the sudden intensity of his fierce penetration. He pushed into her, stroking her body both inside and out. Filling her up. Making her whole. Making her feel whole.

  Hard muscles grazed over soft curves.

  Each thrust drove them closer and closer until she could not tell where he ended and she began. Above her, his face contorted as he struggled for control, fighting against the primal urge pushing him to every bit of her, trying to hold on for as long as he could.

  She wrapped her legs around his waist, rocked him into her, deeper and deeper still until there was nothing left to give.

  He moved his hands from her wrists, slipped his palms upward, interlaced his fingers with hers. He slowed the pace.

  “No,” she begged. “Faster.”

  “If I go faster, I’ll come.”

  “So will I,” she gasped.

  He let loose then, driving himself into her hard and fast, sending silky spirals swirling through her.

  They were one.

  His gaze latched tight to hers and she could not look away. Never wanted to look away.

  They broke together, tumbling over the crest of their simultaneous orgasm, locked in each other’s rapt embrace.

  Slowly, their breathing returned to normal and they lay there, arms and legs tangled. She lay with her head on his chest, listening to the crazy tempo of his out-of-control heart.

  How odd, lying here with a man who was not Jake. Not just that, but Jake’s half brother. It was a thought she did not want to think, so she pushed it away and concentrated on how he’d made her feel.

  “That was . . . well, hell, sweetheart, I don’t have any words for what that was,” he murmured into her hair.

  She raised her head, peered at him. He looked so gorgeous in the moonlight spilling through the window. “Right back at you, cowboy.”

  He lightly tickled her ribs.

  “You know,” she said. “If I knew you were coming I would have baked a cake.”

  His hearty laugh rang out. “You get the cutest expression on your face when you’re sassy, like you can barely believe you’re doing it.”

  “What can I say? I was raised to be a good girl. I feel naughty when I’m bad.”

  “Then you’re in trouble because you’ve been a very bad girl.”

  “I know.” She grinned.

  “Sassiness is bad?”

  “It was in my house.”

  “Way up there on the hill in Highland Park.”

  “I know I had it easy.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “Compared to how you grew up?” She shook her head. “My childhood was a cakewalk.”

  “I’m glad.” His voice was somber. “You’ve had more than your share of sorrow now.”

  “Things are looking up,” she observed.

  “If heaven exists it surely smells like you.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead.

  “You don’t believe in heaven?”

  “I’d like to,” he said, “but I haven’t seen any proof of it.”

  “That’s the thing about belief. You have to believe even when there’s no proof.”

  “And what happens if you’re wrong? It’s not belief at that point but self-deception.”

  “Your mom never took you to church, did she?”

  “Hey, we were lucky if she took us to the grocery store.”

  “I wish I could understand what that was like.”

  “No you don’t. Be grateful you grew up in a gentle world.”

  “It didn’t prepare me for this.”

  “You’re handling it very well.”

  “Only because you’re here.”

  “You could make it just fine without me. If I wasn’t here, Claudia would help you.”

  “Claudia doesn’t know sign language or how to train a quarter horse.”

  “Is that all I am to you, Lissy?”

  “No,” she whispered. “It’s not.”

  “Lissy.” He sighed her name. “I’ve never met a woman like you. You’re so strong even though you don’t know it. That sassiness you’ve been keeping under wraps is really an asset.”

  All at on
ce, melancholia washed over her. “You know this can’t last.”

  “Look at that pretty moon.” He pointed at the sky outside the window. “So big and round and yellow. You like yellow.”

  She burrowed against him, tilted her head up to look at the moon. “It’s beautiful, but were you listening to me?”

  “Every word.” He squeezed her tight and kissed her gently and they lay there for the longest time just staring up at the moon.

  Last night, Rafferty had been unable to deny his masculine urges. He’d lost control and made love to Lissette when he knew there was no future for them, but being with Lissy made him feel like Atlas when he shrugged. A huge weight had dropped from his shoulders. When she looked at him with those green eyes that spoke more than words, he experienced a foolish kind of hope.

  You’re kidding yourself.

  Because of Kyle they couldn’t fall asleep on the living room rug, nor did Lissy want her son to wake in the night and find Rafferty in her bed.

  “Too confusing for him,” she said.

  Neither did Rafferty want to sleep in the bed she’d shared with Jake. It just felt wrong.

  So they’d separated in the wee hours of the morning, Lissy going to her bedroom, Rafferty hightailing it back to the garage apartment. He vowed he would not make love to her again. It would be too painful. Knowing he was going to have to leave her behind.

  Utterly wretched, he dressed at dawn determined to spend the entire day working with Slate and pushing his own body to exhaustion. He didn’t want to think about what crossing that line had meant, but he feared that their intimacy would invariably be the thing that pushed them apart.

  When he got home, he was surprised to see Lissy waiting for him. “Hi,” she called to him out the back door as he trudged up the stairs to the garage apartment. Her smile was bright and sweet. “Dinner’s ready.”

  He wasn’t expecting this. He’d anticipated that she would put up a wall, back off, keep her distance. Instead, she was waving him inside that warm house with her and Kyle.

  Watch out. It can’t last.

  Yes, yes, he knew that but he couldn’t seem to get to her fast enough.

  Once he was through the door, he realized that beneath that frilly apron she was wearing a slinky blue dress with a very short hemline and four-inch stilettos that made her look like a gazelle. He stood there staring.

  “Did you want to say something?” she asked.

  He could scarcely clear his throat. She has the most gorgeous legs. “Nice dress,” he croaked.

  “I bought it today.”

  For him? Something unraveled in his stomach.

  “Where’s Kyle?” he asked.

  “He’s spending the weekend with my parents. They came by to get him this afternoon and they’ll bring him home on Sunday.”

  “So we’ve got the whole weekend alone?” He gulped.

  Her grin turned saucy. “We do.”

  “Is this . . . are you trying to seduce me, Lissy Moncrief?”

  Coyly, she lowered her lashes. “Am I too bold?”

  “Hell no, darlin’,” he said, happiness lighting up his heart, and took her in his arms.

  They kissed for a long time and then she pulled back. “I need to check on the meat loaf.”

  “You sure know the way to a man’s heart.” He cocked his head as she walked away, his gaze zeroing in on the hem of that dress.

  They ate dinner by candlelight. Just the two of them, and it felt like a real date. Afterward, Lissy led him to the bathroom where all around the claw-foot tub scented candles sat. The room glowed romantically in the illumination from the flickering flames.

  While she ran a hot bath, complete with bubbles, they did a slow striptease for each other. Lissy put her hair in a ponytail high atop her head and then got into the warm water. Rafferty slid in behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, held her against him, listening to the soft sounds of their tandem breathing as the smell of coconut scented the air. They could be on a tropical island, just the two of them. All alone and blissfully cut off from the rest of the world. It was a wonderful dream.

  Lissy had gone quiet.

  “What is it?” he asked, squeezing her tighter.

  “I was thinking about Claudia. I haven’t talked to her since that day in the park. I was going to try and call her and smooth things over, but I decided, you know what? I’m not the one in the wrong. She overreacted. She freaked out. I understand why she’s upset, but this time, I’m not going to run in and try to make things all better. She’s going to have to make the first overtures.”

  “That’s hard for you. Not making peace.”

  Her head bobbed and her ponytail tickled his nose. “A fortune-teller once told me that it was my fatal flaw. So anxious to placate others that I lose sight of myself.”

  “Do you think that’s true?”

  “Yes, but I’m trying to change. It’s why I’m not calling Claudia even though this rift is killing me.”

  He dipped his head to lightly kiss her neck. Her skin tasted of salt and soap, but she smelled of vanilla. “I’m the cause.”

  “No,” she said. “I’m the cause. I’ve let people push me around for too long and now that I’m standing my ground, she’s startled and doesn’t know what to make of me. She’ll come around as long as I don’t make the first move. If I extend the olive branch when she was the one at fault, I’ll be right back at square one, but it’s hard for me to hold steady because I know how much she’s hurting.”

  “You really do love her, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I could just . . .” He didn’t want to say the word. “Go.”

  “No,” she said. “Our time together is short enough. I only have you for a few more weeks. I’ve got Claudia for the rest of my life. We’ll work it out, but I need for it to be on my terms.”

  “You’re feeling guilty. Being with me like this.”

  “Yes. A little. But I don’t want to feel guilty.”

  “It’s hard not to when you care about someone.”

  “I want to thank you,” she said. “For last night. It was the loveliest night I’ve ever had.”

  “Really?”

  “Not just the sex.” She turned in his arms to look into his eyes. “But the hayride, the way you accepted my friends, how gentle you are with Kyle.” She slanted her head up to kiss his chin. “I know we probably took things too far and a psychologist would tell us that we can’t trust what we’re feeling considering our circumstances, but I can’t regret what happened.”

  “Me either,” he said gruffly.

  “There’s rough sailing ahead for us later,” she said.

  “I know.”

  “But for now? For the reminder of the time you’re in Jubilee, I want to soak up every minute I have with you.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  They didn’t say anything else for a long time. They just sat together in the tub, his arms wrapped tightly under her breasts. He loved the weight of them against his forearms.

  “How did it go down when Jake showed up to meet you? Was he bitter like Claudia? Angry? I know you said he stayed for three months so you must have gotten past the initial barrier, but that must have been a weird conversation,” she said

  Rafferty chuffed out a breath. If he told Lissy the story of how he and Jake first met, he’d be giving her a window into the dark side of his soul. “It’s not a pleasant story.”

  She paddled the water with a hand, skimming bubbles off the water. “Was he terrible to you?”

  “No. Exactly the opposite.”

  “You were terrible to him?”

  Rafferty swallowed hard. “I’ve never told anyone the whole story.”

  “It’s okay,” she rushed to assure him. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “No,” he said. “I want to tell you. It’s just hard to talk about.”

  She didn’t speak again, let him have space, allowed him to tell the story at his own pace. It was
easier, telling about it this way. Her facing forward, him at her back. This way, he didn’t have to see the shock in her eyes.

  “It was a hot night in June, just after my sixteenth birthday. My mother had been dating this low-level guy on the fringes of the movie industry. Mostly, he was a small-time dope dealer and I’d seen the way he’d been looking at my sister, Heather.” He clenched his jaw against the memory. He could see it as if it was playing out in his mind right now. As if he were back in that hellish place all over again.

  “How old was Heather?”

  “Eleven,” he said unable to keep the hard edge from his voice. “Amelia—that’s my mother—she was blind to that sort of thing. Just plowing through life, oblivious. Swinging from manic highs to the depth of despair in the course of a day.”

  Lissy’s muscles tensed, but she remained silent.

  “I came home from work around ten that night,” he said, not knowing why he was going into the dirty details except that once he started, he could not stop. In an instant, he was back in that darkened stairway, his sneakers, slick with fryer grease, slapping against the cement stairs. “I was working at a fried chicken joint and I would bring home the leftovers that they were going to throw away so we’d have something to eat for the next day. We ate so much damn fried chicken that summer that I hate fried chicken to this day.”

  His knees were bent, drawn up on either side of Lissy’s thighs. She rested her palms on his knees, squeezed gently. The candlelight threw shadows on the wall. The water had grown tepid. He’d never taken a bath with a woman before. It was real nice. A guy could get used to it, especially with a woman like Lissy.

  “I came up the stairs of the shithole place where we were living,” he continued as matter-of-factly as he could. It was harder than he thought, talking about it. Even after all this time. “First thing I see is Amelia passed out on the couch in her housecoat. Dane was seven at the time and he was up way past his bedtime watching a horror movie on our busted-up old TV. It was all fuzzy but you could still see the guy with the chain saw. I made him turn off the TV and go to bed and that’s when Heather screamed.”