Million Dollar Cowboy Page 21

  “We were in the state park out of cell phone range,” she pointed out.

  “Darn. That’s what I get for hanging out with a smart woman.” Ridge winked and guided her into the truck stop. “But FYI, I turned it off before I ever pulled into your driveway.”

  His conspiratorial glance eased her possessiveness and left her feeling petty for getting jealous in the first place. He didn’t belong to her. She had no claim on him. Yes, they’d had spectacular sex last night and shared a few secrets. But hot sex and whispered confidences did not a relationship make.

  Which begged the question, where were they going?

  And what were his plans for the rest of the evening? Was he envisioning spending the night with her? She had certainly been hoping he’d stay the night. But what if she’d misread things?

  Argh! Kaia pressed a palm to her forehead. She had to get a hold of herself. Splash some water on her face. Do some deep breathing. Knock off the constant mind chatter.

  “Here’s your chance to check your cell phone,” she muttered, gave him a quick wave, and headed off to the restroom, her mind a jumble of doubt and second-guessing, her heart beating far too fast.

  When she came out of the restroom, she couldn’t find him. Assuming he’d also gone to the restroom, she perused the aisles, and honest-to-Pete, she didn’t mean to end up on the prophylactics aisle, but she rounded the corner and found herself staring at rows of condoms.

  She was about to run away, but glanced up and spied Ridge in the next aisle over.

  “Ssst,” she hissed, seized by impulse.

  He raised his head, grinned when he saw her. “Uh-huh?”

  “Should we buy these?” she whispered, holding up the box of condoms just high enough so he could see them over the top of the shelf.

  His grin spread from ear to ear. “Why, Kaia Alzate, is that an invitation?”

  “If you want it to be.”

  “Hell yes.” Quickly, he joined her on the condom aisles, plucked the box of Trojans, ribbed for her pleasure, from her, took her by the hand and dragged her to the checkout counter.

  Leaving no more doubts in her mind about whether or not he wanted to spend his last night in town with her.

  Chapter 22

  He drove back to her house as quickly as the legal speed limit allowed—and maybe even a little faster than that. His left hand on the steering wheel, his right hand holding tight to hers.

  By the time they reached her house it was dusk. The moon was so slender, barely a slice of light, and the stars were already visible.

  She fumbled for her keys, ready to haul him into her house and jump his bones, but he slipped his arm around her waist and held her in place on the front porch. Night sounds came to life around them—a song of camel crickets, a blackbird’s call, a dog barking lazily from a yard down the street, wind rustling the desert chaparral.

  They stood together on her porch underneath the stars. He was looking at her, but his eyes were unfocused, his mind seemed faraway. She put her arms around his neck, drew his head down, and he was back with her.

  Kaia wanted to ask him where he’d gone, what he’d been thinking, but before she could get the words out, he kissed her long and hard as if he’d been thirsty for years and she was a tall glass of cool water.

  They were cloaked in darkness, mouths fused, bodies pressed tight. It was a goodbye kind of kiss. He was leaving tomorrow. Going back to where he’d come from.

  Her head was humming. That same beautiful, hopeful song.

  She should tell him about the humming. Just put it out there. Own it. But if she did that, he might not spend the night with her and she wouldn’t even have one last sweet goodbye.

  “Ridge, I—”

  “Please don’t tell me you’re not going to invite me in,” he said, his voice scarred and rough. “I need you tonight, Kaia.”

  “I need you too.”

  “Good.” He kissed her hard.

  Dazzled by the humming in her head, she finally got the lock opened, and let them inside.

  Dart greeted them, reeling around their legs, meowing for dinner.

  “I’m sorry,” Kaia apologized. “I have to feed the animals.”

  “I’ll help.”

  By the time they fed the animals inside and out, it was after nine o’clock. They took one look into each other’s eyes and the next thing Kaia knew they were shedding clothes on the way to her bedroom.

  What a blessing to have one more night with him!

  They started out fast, but the minute they sank into her mattress, things slowed. Both of them wanting this night to last forever.

  Kaia put the box of Trojans they’d bought at the truck stop on the nightstand and issued a challenge. “Let’s see how many of these we can get through before dawn.”

  “Game on.” He grinned, his teeth flashing white in the dim glow from the night-light in the shape of a horse that was plugged into the socket next to the bed.

  And so it began, their glorious last journey, the beginning of goodbye. Kaia concentrated on every movement, every whisper, every caress, every scent.

  Making love to Ridge showed her the world was multifaceted. A beautiful, mystifying world connected by a series of portals and dimensions, colors, shapes, and patterns; a world that flowed and ebbed as constantly and subtly as breath.

  Being with him, body-to-body, skin-to-skin, heart-to-beating-heart shifted and merged, until they became an ever-changing, overriding, symbiotic energy that defied belief, and yet felt absolutely logical.

  She was shattered and profoundly confused, while at the same time filled with bliss, ecstasy, and an engulfing sense of peace. It was as if a great storm had passed. Troubled waters parted and the sun was shining again, casting the world in a brilliant mosaic of bright, healing light.

  As if the overwhelming waves of her life, which before were so constant, complicated, and challenging were now a sweet, calm, lulling sea full of fluid beauty and teeming with life and hope.

  In that sharp moment of their total release, she was reborn.

  Like an infant awaking for the first time in a brand-new world, she absorbed the wonder around her, in awe of everything she tasted, viewed, touched, heard, smelled. A baby in the arms of universal truth. In his arms she was both vulnerable and yet extremely safe.

  She knew without question that if she ever ran to him, tears in her eyes, he’d want to know who he should beat up without even asking why.

  In their achingly perfect joining, she saw everything with fresh eyes—herself, her life, the entire world, Ridge.

  Love.

  She was in love.

  And Ridge was the personification of it all. Her beloved. There was nothing she could do that would ever change that fact. Whether they ended up together in the long run or not, he would forever be her soul mate, her one and only.

  Engulfed in this knowledge, powerless to alter her fate, Kaia surrendered one hundred percent.

  She stopped fighting, struggling, resisting. She let go and let it happen. Allowed emotions, sensations, thoughts, fears, and doubt to roll through her and flow out of her.

  In his embrace she found nourishment, sustenance, comfort. Being with him transported her to a whole realm of possibilities. And she was so deeply grateful for this experience. For the transformation.

  For Ridge.

  He had given her the greatest gift she had ever received. He gave her permission to be who she was. Without hesitation or restraint or judgment. He accepted her just as she was.

  How did she begin to describe what was happening? To put it in words others might understand? But there were no words. This wasn’t something people could understand unless they’d experienced it for themselves, and then they would have to invent their own language for their experiences.

  This … this … well, whatever ever you wanted to call it … love, belonging, perfection. It was so intimate, so personal, so sacred, it was completely surreal. Her feelings were illogical, fanciful, dreamy, and
yet absolutely nothing had ever felt so authentic.

  Impossible to gauge how this experience would impact Ridge, their relationship, and the rest of her life.

  But one thing was clear, her gut, her intuition, her instinct, and the stirring of her heart had set her on a new path from which there was no turning back. There was no way to retreat after something like this.

  None.

  Kaia was forever changed.

  She had opened herself up to his life force. His energy filled her, and she was activated. Alive in a way she did not question but could not fully understand. How could she go on in the same old way?

  The discovery that she’d been trapped in a life she didn’t even know was a prison shocked her.

  Subconsciously, she’d been longing for something, lacking something, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. She’d been following her dreams, going to school, working with animals, enjoying life with her family and friends, but in the back of her mind there had been this nagging feeling that she was incomplete.

  She’d had no idea of this power within her. An all-encompassing, electric indigo power that making love to Ridge unleashed.

  It was dizzying, overwhelming, disconcerting. Her head and her heart were in the clouds. Flying in sweet paradise.

  Would the emotions disappear once she came back to earth and got grounded in reality? Would this heavenly glimpse of her true self disappear in the day-to-day grind? Could she hang on to it long after he was gone?

  Because he was going. Tomorrow. Flying off to Calgary and then to China. Six months gone.

  Alarmed, she opened her eyes to see Ridge staring down into her face, eyes wide-open. He looked as gobsmacked as she felt.

  She inhaled sharply. And he did too. Breathing the same air. Holding the same breath.

  She wanted to simultaneously shout her experience from the rooftops, and to keep quietly sacred this delicious happening that was blowing to pieces everything she’d ever believed to be true about sex and love and her role in the world.

  The ache inside her was deep and sorrowful. Knowing she was losing him just as she was finding him. She blinked away tears pushing at the back of her eyelids.

  What twin emotions! Flip side of the same coin. With great love came great pain. You could not have one without the other. If you loved, eventually you would be hurt.

  But oh! It was so worth the cost.

  Even if he never loved her back.

  Soft starlight oozed through the parted curtains of Kaia’s bedroom window, spilling a gentle glow across Ridge’s bare back. He was lying on his side, uncovered, one leg drawn up, the other leg outstretched, sleeping like a flamingo.

  She smiled. Such fun to discover the little things she never knew about him. Fun to watch him sleeping as she listened to the Song of the Soul Mate humming in her brain. A steady strum of he’s your one and only.

  Oh, she was so screwed!

  A girl who believed love was the only thing that made you whole was falling for a man who believed that love was the very thing that broke you.

  “Hey,” he murmured, his eyes fluttering open. “How are you?”

  A smile claimed her mouth. “Amazing. How about you?”

  Hair sexily tousled, he sat up, stretched his arms overhead, yawned. “What time is it?”

  “Just after midnight.”

  “I should go.”

  “Did you forget the challenge?” She nodded at the box of condoms on the nightstand.

  He grinned. “I did not.” He leaned over to kiss her forehead. “But I was planning on leaving at three a.m. to get to Calgary by the time my office opens at eight.”

  “I see.” Disappointment was a rock in the bottom of her stomach.

  “I should have told you my plans,” he said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

  “It’s already so late. Maybe you should just stay and get a few more hours’ sleep before you have to go back to the ranch.”

  “I’m used to running on just minimal sleep. I’ll be fine.”

  That was not what she meant. She wanted more time with him, but she didn’t want to cling.

  He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. It was such a sweet gesture her heart stuttered.

  Lucky. She was so lucky to have had him for this precious time. That’s the only way she could spin it so that she didn’t completely break apart. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

  “Go back to sleep,” he said, pulling on his swim trunks.

  It seemed a million years since they’d been swimming in Balmorhea, and yet at the same time, the flicker of an eye.

  “One last kiss?” she breathed.

  His grin was fast and loose like a tropical sunrise. He sank to his knees on the mattress, drew her into his arms for a parting kiss.

  Ah. Bliss.

  Humming so heavenly she wished she could submerse herself in it, in him for the rest of her life.

  Ridge didn’t want to leave.

  He peered at Kaia, who was gazing up at him as if he were the sun and the moon and the stars.

  His chest clutched like a manual transmission stuck in second gear, rumbling and grinding on a steep downhill incline. It was all he could do not to crawl back into bed, pull her into his arms and make love to her all over again.

  He was hooked. Addicted. Obsessed.

  But the only way to break an addiction was cold turkey. He had to go. He had work to do, and he wasn’t going to get in the way of her finishing her degree. Plus, he didn’t belong in Cupid. Never had.

  “Have a safe trip,” she whispered, her eyes full of the same sadness and longing that tugged at him. It was a sensation he’d never before experienced. A sensation that scared him to the bottom of his soul.

  He had an overwhelming impulse to tell her to wait for him. To give him some time to figure things out. But how could he ask her to put her life on hold for him when he’d be in China for six months? It wasn’t fair to her.

  Damn, if he wasn’t about to ask just that when her dogs pushed the bedroom door open and barreled inside and piled onto the mattress and buried her in wet doggy kisses.

  Kaia giggled, covered her face with her hands.

  Ridge stood there watching her with the dogs, wearing nothing but his swim trunks, affection for her swelling his heart. She was so uncomplicated, so honest, so fresh and real. A million miles away from his ordinary, high-speed, high-stress world.

  He could taint her so easily.

  “They need to go to the bathroom,” she said.

  “I’ll let them out,” he offered, and moved to the door. The dogs bailed off the bed, following him.

  He was at the back door, the dogs at his heels, when he heard her call out from the bedroom, “Watch out for Dart. He’s still a bit feral and he’ll bolt if he sees an opening.”

  But it was already too late. The back door was open and a blur of orange fur zoomed outside ahead of the hounds.

  “Dammit!” Ridge cursed and took off after the kitten, barefooted, in the pitch dark.

  “Ridge?” Kaia pulled on her robe and padded into the kitchen. When she spied the back door hanging open, she knew at once what had happened. Dart, the little escape artist, had made good his getaway.

  She should have warned Ridge sooner about the kitten, but she’d been wrapped in a cocoon of early-morning-after-great-sex bliss, and her brain was fuzzily warped.

  “Snap out of it,” she scolded, shook her head, and peered out the door. The dogs were in the fenced backyard, wagging their tails, but she saw neither hide nor hair of Ridge or Dart.

  Cinching the belt of her robe tighter, she stepped out onto the back porch. “Ridge?”

  Not far away, a coyote howled. She shivered. Oh dear. Little Dart was snack-sized, and the desert was filled with dangerous creatures.

  “Dart,” she called, hearing the anxiety in her voice. “Here kitty, kitty.”

  From the alley behind the shed, came a crash, followed by a muffled curse and another crash.


  “Ridge?” She paused to jam her feet into the flip-flops she kept at the back door, and then sprinted across the yard. Buddy and Bess barked and ran along with her, clearly thinking she was up for some kind of game.

  Something yowled. Twice.

  Dart? Or was it Ridge?

  Heart slamming hard into her ribs, she rounded the shed, reached the chain-link fence separating her property from the alley. Stopped, breathless and perspiring.

  There stood Ridge in the light of the flood lamp, a wriggling Dart clasped in his hands, his bare chest covered in scratches.

  “Gotcha!” Ridge crowed.

  Kaia was relieved that he’d found Dart, but concerned for Ridge. She took the kitten Ridge triumphantly handed to her, cuddled him to her chest, felt the frantic rhythm of Dart’s tiny pulse.

  “C’mon,” she said, noticing blood oozing from his scratches. “Let’s get you cleaned and doctored.”

  “This is nothing.”

  “Nevertheless,” she said. “We can’t have you flying off with infected wounds. Ever heard of cat scratch fever?”

  He looked as if he were about to argue, but nodded and hobbled toward her.

  “You’re barefooted!”

  “Yeah. I was determined not to let Dart get away. Stepped on bull nettle.”

  “Good grief.”

  Still clinging to a wriggling Dart, she and the dogs escorted Ridge back to the house. Once inside, she crated the kitten and directed Ridge to the bathroom. Closed the toilet lid, motioned for him to sit.

  He plunked down. She rummaged in the medicine cabinet for antiseptic and antibiotic ointment.

  “This is going to sting.” She knelt in from of him, dabbed the bloody scratches with an antiseptic-doused cotton ball.

  Ridge hissed in a clenched breath.

  His body heat radiated into her as she tended to the dozen scratches crisscrossing his muscled torso. He’d gotten injured saving her cat.

  Between the black eyes and the wounds on his chest and the red welts on his feet where he’d stepped on the bull nettles, he looked like he’d tangled with the wrong character. He’d not had an easy time of it the past few days. She couldn’t blame him if he never came back to Cupid.