A Wedding for Christmas Page 23

  With her?

  Yes, please.

  Briefly, Katie closed her eyes. Did she want this too badly? Was she misreading the signs? She was leaving herself open to a wide world of hurt. He could break her so easily. When it came to Ryder Southerland it was much safer to keep her feelings tucked away in a tidy decorative boxes and sealed tightly shut.

  Except it was too late for that. Especially if she was pregnant.

  God, her mind was a jumble scrambling from hope to fear and back again.

  “It’s getting really sappy in here.” Jana elbowed Katie. “Know what I’m saying?”

  Katie blinked, realized the other ladies in the limo were all on their cell phones texting their guys.

  Jana gave an expressive eye roll, accompanied by a snort. “Ridiculous.”

  Katie fingered her own phone.

  “Oh no!” Jana exclaimed. “Not you too!”

  Katie shrugged helplessly.

  “Ack!” Jana pretended to choke herself. “I need to get out of this love-struck town.”

  “Or,” Sesty said, “you could just surrender and fall in love like the rest of us.”

  “And go around with those smug smiles? No thank you. I’d rather stick rusty nails in my eyes.” Jana winked at Katie, then crossed her eyes. “Oops, forgot you’d moved over into the enemy camp.”

  “I never said that.” Katie squared her chin as she realized everyone was staring at her. While she and Ryder definitely had a thing cooking, she didn’t want the bridesmaids weighing in on her love life.

  Not when things were still so new and uncertain.

  “So you’re with me?” Jana slung her arm around Katie’s shoulder. “Love stinks.”

  “Keep that up,” Emma warned, “and we’re going to put you out on the side of the road.”

  “Who broke your heart?” Gabi asked Jana.

  Jana looked startled. “No one. I’m the heartbreaker.”

  Everyone in the limo exchanged glances over Jana’s head.

  “What?” Jana growled.

  “You’re just trying to protect your heart,” Meredith said kindly. “We get it. We were all there once. It’s scary taking a chance on love. What if you let yourself fall and you discover there’s no bottom to the abyss?”

  The other women bobbed their heads in agreement. Katie’s stomach dipped, but she had no idea why.

  Jana snorted again, and crossed her tattooed arms defiantly over her chest, but for the first time she looked rattled.

  And when the limo stopped at the restaurant, they stepped out into the December evening to find the guys standing outside the Chez Genevieve on the banks of the Brazos River, their hands stuffed in their pockets as if they’d been pacing and waiting on their women to arrive.

  Katie struggled to keep from melting into a pile of goo at the sight of Ryder’s endearing face.

  He walked straight toward her and she forgot she was in charge of the evening’s activities and that she was supposed to be playing it cool. When he wrapped his arms around her, and pressed his lips to the top of her head, Katie’s stomach rose up to dance with her heart in a swoony waltz.

  “I missed you,” he murmured, pressing her close so she could feel exactly how much he missed her.

  Katie would have felt self-conscious for the public display of affection if every other woman there—except for Jana, who huffed and sauntered off—wasn’t falling into the arms of the men they loved. It was a sweet tableau, six couples nuzzling beneath the twinkle of Christmas lights.

  Ryder tipped her chin up and kissed her tenderly, and Katie promptly forgot about everyone else. Her focus was on one thing and one thing only. Ryder and his dynamite lips blowing her self-control to smithereens.

  “I want you,” he whispered against her ear.

  “Ahem.” She giggled. “I can tell.”

  “Your fault,” he said. “For being so damn hot.”

  Her face flushed and she dipped her head to hide a blazing smile.

  “Katie.” He rolled her name over his tongue as if it was the most beautiful sound in the English language.

  “Yes?”

  “There’s something I want to give you.”

  “I just bet there is, buster.” She laughed.

  “Well.” He chuckled, joining her laughter. “Besides that.”

  “What is it?”

  “Come with me.” He took her hand. “I got us our own table inside.”

  “Ryder, I can’t. I’m Gabi’s maid of honor.”

  “She’ll understand,” he said. “This is important.”

  Katie’s heart faltered . . . stopped. Her heart bounced back into action. Was he going to be the one to say “I love you” first?

  “Yes, okay, let me just tell Gabi.”

  “Joe knows. He’ll tell Gabi. Although . . .” He nodded at the bride and groom-to-be, who were staring raptly into each other’s eyes as they walked into the restaurant. “I doubt they’ll even notice we’re gone.”

  Chapter 23

  The waiter seated them in a corner table not far from the big table where everyone else was sitting, and brought them menus. But Ryder only had eyes for Katie.

  This was an important night. He was going to tell her his story. The full story of how his mother had died to find if she still wanted him. And if she did, he was going to give her the heart necklace that had once belonged to his mother.

  Over dinner, he started his tale.

  She listened intently. Not interrupting. Her gaze never leaving his face.

  Her breath hissed in over clenched teeth when he’d finished. She looked utterly stunned.

  “Oh Ryder,” she said. “I am so sorry. I had no idea you went through that. I mean I knew about your mom, but not the details. It wasn’t fair for you father to blame you for her death.”

  “He was grieving her. My mother was the love of his life.”

  Katie reached across the table, placed her hand over his. “Do you suppose that’s why you’ve avoided commitment? On a subconscious level marriage represents death to you.”

  Boom!

  His throat squeezed and his gut roiled. He didn’t want to examine that too closely, so he kept going. Telling her how his dad latched on to Twyla, who was also grieving for her lost baby and failed marriage. “It was a toxic stew.”

  “No wonder you acted out as a child. Any kid would have. And phooey on the adults who didn’t understand.”

  “Most people in town didn’t. They deemed me ‘bad’ and I took that to heart. But your parents understood. Bill and Lois were so good to me, Katie. And kind. My one regret is the way I left town and never came back. Your parents deserved better from me.”

  “My folks don’t judge you, Ryder. They just want you to be happy.”

  “Which is more than I can say for my own father.”

  “Jax is so unhappy himself. He has no idea what happiness looks like.”

  “I wish I could reach him, but even after almost two weeks of living there with him, I’m no closer to breaking through his crusty hide than I was the first day.”

  “He’s been like this a long time. He won’t change quickly.”

  “Or at all.” Ryder hoped he didn’t sound bitter. He wasn’t bitter. More sad than anything. And scared that he could end up just like Jax.

  “I wish we weren’t in a restaurant. I’d take you in my arms and hug you so hard right now,” Katie said.

  “You can do it later.” He quirked a grin, trying to lighten the moment that had turned so dark. “Since things with us are getting . . .” He pulled in a deep breath. “We’re . . . Things are . . .”

  “Yes?” She squirmed to the edge of her seat.

  He took the black jewelry box from his pocket and her eyes lit up, and he realized too late she thought he was going to propose. He didn’t know what to do. Quickly, so as not to lead her on, he cracked open the box, held it out to her.

  “It’s the necklace I bought for my mother. I . . . I want you to have it.”

/>   “This is what you found in your dad’s room that first day we were together at the ranch.”

  “Yeah. It’s not expensive or anything. But it means a lot to me and . . . please take it.” God, he was mangling this. He should have bought her a necklace, not given her some cheap drugstore necklace he’d bought for his mother over twenty years ago.

  Her hands were trembling. Was that good or bad? “Are you sure, Ryder? This was your mother’s.”

  “I know. That’s why I want you to have it.”

  Her face filled with tenderness and empathy. “I’d be deeply honored.” She took the necklace from him and put it around her neck. It fit perfectly at the hollow of her throat. She fingered it lightly. “I’ll cherish it always.”

  “Katie . . .” There was so much he wanted to tell her. His heart was full to the bursting, but he didn’t know how to put into words how much she meant to him

  “Yes, Ryder?”

  “Thank you,” he said. “You’ve made me come alive again.”

  She smiled softly.

  The other group was breaking up, paying the bill, going their separate ways. The men came wandering over to his table, pulling Ryder out of his chair and telling him it was time for the bachelor party to begin in earnest, while the women captured Katie and took her away.

  It was only when they’d been hustled to their respective limousines that Ryder realized he hadn’t asked her if she’d ever gotten her period.

  Watching the limo Ryder was riding in pull away reminded Katie that she’d gotten so caught up in the deeply emotional throes of Ryder’s childhood story, she’d forgotten her mission to tell him she loved him.

  She fingered the heart necklace at her throat. He hadn’t said the words to her either, but he’d given her his mother’s necklace. The necklace he’d fought for tooth and nail. The necklace that meant everything in the world to him. He wanted her to have it.

  Touched. She was touched beyond measure.

  But still, she ached to hear those three little words. I love you.

  The bachelorette party progressed from winery to brew pub to dance club. Katie was there with a smile, making it the best night possible for Gabi. She didn’t drink in case she was pregnant, and when the others noticed, she laughed it off with an “I’m the designated grown-up.”

  Leaving everyone else free to live it up and be silly while Katie looked out for them. The party wound down at two a.m., the limo driver dropping the women off at their houses, one by one. Katie was last.

  Harry met her at the door, hungry for loving. She’d already left food out for his dinner. She set her purse down on the table and it tipped over, raining the contents onto the floor.

  “Fudge,” she said, and bent to clean up the mess. She picked up the items, stuffed them back into the purse. Her hand hit upon the pregnancy kit she’d bought in Jubilee the day before.

  She’d planned on taking the test with Ryder, but she couldn’t wait anymore. She had to know. Now. Tonight.

  Five minutes later, she was in the bathroom holding her breath while she waited for the results. A plus sign meant positive. Minus sign negative.

  Please, she whispered. Please.

  And in that moment she did not know if she was pleading for a plus sign or a minus. In a perfect world, she’d want nothing more than to have Ryder’s baby. But they weren’t married. And she didn’t even know if he loved her. She loved him. More than life itself, but could she be satisfied with a one-sided relationship?

  Or worse, what if he decided to head on back to LA?

  No. She remembered what he’d told her. I’ll be here for you. Believed it because she believed in him. Banked on that promise because it was all she had.

  What if she was pregnant? What if she had an adorable baby boy just like Ryder with dark brown hair and mischievous green eyes?

  Wait. Don’t skip ahead.

  Emotions assaulted her in those quick seconds. So many feelings. Clawing at her. Hope and fear. Joy and sadness. What if? And what might be? And What the hell am I gonna do?

  Katie checked her phone, counted off the seconds—three-two-one. Closed her eyes. Opened them. Stared at the stick.

  And fell to her knees crying.

  Saturday morning after the bachelor party, Ryder was in the barn trying to deal with the remainder of the junk they’d cleared from the house and stuffed in the barn. He had three flatbed trailers loaded with three piles—trash, keep, donate. Katie had taught him well.

  He heard a noise from behind him, turned to see Katie striding into the barn. He smiled, thrilled to see her.

  Being around her settled him, made him feel whole in a way he hadn’t felt since . . . well, since his mother had died. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t explain it, but he accepted it. For whatever reason, Katie was his touchstone, and damn was he aching to touch her.

  “I was just . . .” He paused at the look on her face.

  Her eyes lacked their usual sparkle, her mouth was turned down, and she had her arms crossed tightly over her chest, shoulders tense, body language hollering, I’m upset.

  He leaned the shovel against the stall, came toward her. “Hey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head, moistened her lips, eyes clouded, going from brown to almost black as her pupils widened. A thick strand of dread grew like an instant tree root from his stomach all the way down through the floorboards. She looked absolutely distraught.

  His legs felt heavy as redwood stumps, his knees gone to cement. He clumped toward her, a clumsy Frankenstein, but she squeezed herself tighter and stepped back.

  Okay, he was officially scared now.

  He pushed his palms downward; hell, they were heavy too. They swung to his sides, chunky sandbags dangling. “Please,” he said. “Just tell me. What’s happened? What have I done?”

  She shook her head vigorously.

  Finally, he dragged his legs over to where she stood. “Talk to me, Katie. Stop shutting me out. What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Shit, Southerland, calm down. Don’t make a mountain of it. Probably her mood was related to some woman thing he didn’t understand, and didn’t really want to know about unless he had to.

  She peeped at him over the edge of her palm she splayed over her mouth, two terrified brown eyes.

  Okay, for sure he was worried now. “Katie?”

  She hauled in a breath so deep he could feel the updraft of air as she sucked in. She raised her head, met his gaze, eyes now the color of a hot gas flame. “I’m pregnant.”

  His mouth dropped open.

  “The broken condom did it.” She shook her head. “One time. One measly time. You’ve got wonder sperm, Southerland.”

  He thought he’d been braced for the impact of the possibility. He was not.

  Ryder’s head swirled, struggling to process it. He could make split-second decisions on the battlefield, and as a bodyguard for the safety of his clients, but this was different. Here, now, he was frozen.

  A baby? He and Katie were having a baby.

  This was for real.

  A kid, huh? A baby he could carry on his shoulders, and bounce on his knee. A boy he could teach how to ride and hunt. Or even a girl. He wouldn’t mind a girl who looked like her sweet mama. There would be bedtime stories and camping trips and Little League games and recitals and Fourth of July fireworks shows and amusement parks and birthday parties.

  Involuntarily, a dopy grin overtook his face as the sappiest feeling in the world swamped his stomach. A baby. Yeah. That wouldn’t be so bad.

  “This is a mess,” she said. “An utter mess. How can I do my job when I’m out to here.” She pantomimed patting an imaginary extended belly. “I crawl in attics and cellars on a regular basis.”

  “You . . . you’re considering keeping it?” He heard the hope in his voice, felt his spirits take wings.

  She looked at him like he was the dumbest man on the face of the earth. “Don’t you know anything about me, Ryder Southerland?”
/>
  “I know you’re a neat freak. Kids are not neat. Not in the least. They’re messy and loud and break things.”

  “So is Harry.” She pressed a protective hand over her womb. “And I’m keeping this baby whether you’re happy about it or not.”

  “Of course I’m happy about it, woman. Don’t you know anything about me, Katie Cheek?”

  “I know you had a crappy childhood and you don’t get along with your father. I know you live a solitary life in Los Angeles. I know you have trouble expressing your feelings. I know you are not father-of-the-year material. The famed lone wolf, who is so determined not to have people ride with him that the only vehicle he’s ever owned is a Harley. You can’t take a baby on a Harley.”

  “I know that,” he mumbled.

  Ouch. Shit woman, kick a man where it hurt, why don’t you? But she was right. Every word of it. She was twisting her fingers around each other, knotting them up, worrying back and forth.

  “How are you doing?” he asked.

  She gulped, fear in her eyes. “Not the best in the west.”

  “Morning sickness?”

  “Terror,” she said.

  Ah, those feelings he wasn’t so good at. “What are you scared of?”

  “Anything. Everything. How am I going to handle this? My business is still new. What if I’m a terrible mother? And you . . . Where do you come in? Will you be a long-distance father? Are you coming back to Twilight for good? What about your father? How is this all going to work out?”

  She sank down on a bale of hay, all the air leaving her body like a deflating balloon. She looked forlorn. Her chin trembled as if she were on the verge of tears.

  It killed him. He’d done this to her. Discouraged his spunky Katie.

  “Hey, hey.” He rushed across the floor to her, but she held up two palms. Clear statement. Stop!

  “Don’t touch me,” she said. “You’ve already done enough.”

  “Katie.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that.”

  Confused, Ryder crouched in front of her. “I only said your name.”