The Moonglow Sisters Page 26

  She stared after Gia’s retreating back. She didn’t dare look at Shelley. Her own emotions were too raw, too volatile.

  A dozen different feelings flooded her at once. Hurt, pain, betrayal, shock. But there were more feelings underneath. Sadness, nostalgia, longing. And beneath that, she hit a wellspring of bad moods—agitation, irritability, frustration. Building and growing.

  All the feelings she had run from. All the feelings she fought to control. All the feelings she’d hidden behind her climb up the ladder of success. She thought achievement would bring her the happiness she longed for. The peace of mind she’d lost in childhood after her parents’ death. She had achieved much in her life, things many people envied.

  Success, in and of itself, did not bring happiness. It wasn’t the things that mattered. Not the house, the cars, the designer clothes and expensive haircuts. Not the honors or awards, promotions or titles. It was the journey and the people you met along the way. It was the experiences that mattered and the relationships you built.

  And she’d done a damn shabby job on both accounts.

  Her experiences centered around her goal—sewing, entertaining, cooking, decorating, making a home look pretty. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Unless you made a single-minded goal the whole center of your life and neglected the people who loved you.

  Ahh, new feelings. New pain.

  But this time, the feelings weren’t directed outward. She wasn’t angry at Gia or Shelley or Raoul. Rather, Madison was mad at herself.

  Wow, oh wow. She was angry at herself for not knowing how to make peace with her sisters.

  Something else hit her.

  She’d ended up with Raoul not because she was, as she feared, a loser magnet, but because somewhere deep inside, she’d been seeking to punish herself.

  Finally, Madison shattered the shell of her anger with a stark laugh and sucked in salty sea air. She was so thankful to see that stupid quilt destroyed that she took several heartier gulps to steady herself before she noticed, Something’s wrong with Shelley.

  Her sister seemed wrecked—even more so than when she first showed up, bedraggled and woebegone after escaping her cult. She wasn’t just upset. She was . . . vaporized.

  Shelley crawled on her hands and knees, picking up scraps of severed quilt pieces and tucking them in the front of her shirt that she had fashioned as a sling. Tears streamed down her face, dripping off her chin as she mumbled, over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

  Watching her, Madison felt her heart break and she realized that it didn’t matter if Shelley had slept with Raoul or not. That was the past. It was over. What mattered was this precise moment and her sister’s fragility.

  Madison dropped to her knees in front of her. Touched her shoulder. “Shell?”

  Shelley’s eyes met hers and she looked utterly grief-stricken. “Gia,” she choked out. “Rampage.”

  “She finally had enough of our crap.” Madison laughed.

  Shelley stared at her as if she’d lost her marbles, but Madison was done being angry. She’d been angry for twenty years and it hadn’t gotten her anywhere. “She showed me how reckless I’ve been.”

  “Who?”

  “Gia. I’ve never seen her like this.” Shelley rocked back and planted her butt on the porch, brought her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs as if she were six years old. She was still in her pajamas. They both were.

  “She acted out of grief and rebellion. So did you.”

  “No excuse.”

  “It’s understandable. Don’t beat yourself up for being impulsive. Spontaneity is one of your strengths. When you were a kid and we turned gloomy after Mom and Dad died, you were the one to burst into song or do a magic trick or crack a joke or race around the house turning cartwheels to cheer us up.”

  “I rely on it too much.”

  “Maybe,” Madison reassured her. “But we all depend on our defense mechanisms too much. Trying to control life is my defense mechanism but it makes me bossy and hard to live with.”

  “But I’m not a kid anymore, and I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on where I went wrong. My downfall was my own fault. It wasn’t my place to decide who you should marry.” Shelley crossed her legs, yogi-style. “I shouldn’t have kissed Raoul and I can never make up for how I hurt you.”

  Madison went in the house, got a broom and dustpan, and came back out to the porch.

  Shelley sat with her palms pressed against her eyes.

  Pyewacket swatted a ball of cotton batting across the porch.

  “Here, kitty.” Madison bent and wriggled her fingers. She’d missed the ornery cat.

  Pyewacket moseyed over to sniff Madison’s fingers, and she stroked the cat’s furry little head. Sighing, she straightened and went to sweep the floor.

  Shelley raised her head, looking slightly unhinged with her windblown hair and tear-streaked face. She was barefoot and braless. “Do you want me to do that?”

  “There’s another broom in the kitchen closet,” Madison said. “We can do this together.”

  Silently, they did what they couldn’t do before—work well together—cleaning up the mess their little sister had made.

  “Gia shocked me.” Shelley shook her head. “Making like Edward Scissorhands on the quilt. She was so amped up about us finishing it.”

  “I did not expect that at all.” Maddie swept up a big pile of fabric slivers and cotton batting. “It’s something more like you would have done.”

  “Yes, I’m the queen at destroying things.”

  “No more so than I.”

  “Can you believe she lied about being engaged to Mike?”

  “Not our good girl Gia.” Madison shook her head. “And you know, deep down, I’ve always thought the two of them would get together. They’re just so perfect for each other. And I suspected Mike’s had a crush on her for years. I kept waiting for them to realize how deep their feelings for each other ran. I’m kind of sad that their engagement was a lie.”

  “I’m sad because she thought the only way to get me and you to work together was to lie about being engaged.”

  “It worked, though, didn’t it?”

  “I guess it did.”

  “Listen,” Maddie said. “I’ve been a complete witch since I’ve been back home.”

  “You had your reasons and I didn’t make things easy on you.”

  “Shelley?”

  “Uh-huh?”

  Madison looked at her sister and her heart skipped a beat. “You’ve got some cotton . . .” She leaned over to pluck a wad of cotton from Shelley’s hair.

  “My best intentions always seem to go off the rails.” Shelley sighed. “Everything backfires.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m so uptight no one wants to be around me.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “You don’t have to lie.”

  “I want to be around you.” Shelley stopped sweeping.

  Madison stopped too. “Since when?”

  “Since now.”

  “Because I lost a baby?”

  “Because I’ve always admired that no matter how bad things get, you dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and move forward.”

  “Always?” Madison was having trouble believing that one.

  “Yes. You were so accomplished. You had everything together. Why do you think I acted like such a goofball? It was the only way I could get the spotlight off you for half a second.”

  “Shelley, it’s not easy being me and I’m not saying that for you to feel sorry for me. It’s the truth. I’m hamstrung. You? You’re free. You’re you. Me? I’m all the time trying to live up to this perfect standard that people have of me. It’s a nonstop job.”

  “Hmm, could you relax about that a little?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know how. If Mom and Dad hadn’t died . . .”

  “You put too much on yourself. You thought you had to make up for us not having a mother and father. It wa
sn’t your responsibility to parent us, Maddie. You didn’t even let yourself have a childhood.”

  “That’s why I tried so hard to make things nice for you and Gia. With Mom and Dad gone . . .”

  “I remember how you dyed Easter eggs with us and put on plays for us and read us bedtime stories. We appreciated it.”

  “I loved doing it for you guys.”

  “You turned homemaking into your career.”

  Madison nodded as she swept the material remnants into a pile. “Could you hold the dustpan?”

  Shelley squatted to hold it while Madison swept up the massacred quilt.

  “What about you now? Are you going back to New York when your summer hiatus is over?” Shelley stood up and dumped the dustpan in the trash bin.

  Madison shook her head. “I don’t know. Depends on how things go with Grammy.”

  “Do you want to go back?”

  “I’m not sure what I want.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever get married?”

  Madison thought about Finn. Felt a strange tremor of hope. She had loved him so much, but her hidebound pride had gotten in the way. “Maybe not. I’m too high maintenance.”

  “Says who?”

  “Everyone I’ve ever dated. Apparently, my standards are too high.”

  “Hmph. I say their standards are too low.”

  “I expect too much from people,” Madison admitted.

  “Hey, your kooky, clueless sister joined a cult and didn’t even know she was in one for five freaking years. I can’t judge anyone.”

  “I drove you into a cult.”

  “Nah.” Shelley waved a hand. “I’d been searching for something for years. And when I found the love and acceptance that I was looking for, I didn’t ask questions. I just went for it. Which, surprise, surprise, was really stupid on my part.”

  “You did it because you weren’t getting what you needed from our family. I’m ashamed of that.”

  “I don’t blame you guys. After that thing with Raoul, I took a wrong turn and I just kept going. You got rewarded by stepping up to the plate and mothering us and Gia got rewarded for going along to get along. Me? I never learned how to play the game.”

  “No,” Maddie said. “You were the only one of us who was true to yourself. You didn’t try to be something you weren’t.”

  Shelley laughed. “You never saw me at Cobalt Soul, wearing drapey white clothes and chanting like a loon for two and a half hours every morning at four A.M. They convinced me that was my true self, but now I know it was a false identity they invented for me. They even changed my name and I embraced it, because I didn’t want to see the truth.”

  “What was the truth?”

  “The love they offered and claimed was unconditional wasn’t unconditional at all. It was based on me fitting in and doing what they told me and giving them all my money. It was great at first because I’d had no direction and I wanted so badly to belong. It was easy to lead me astray.”

  “You were hurting because your very own sister accused you of terrible things,” Madison said, humble and contrite. “You were right. Raoul is a total douche.”

  “I handled that whole situation poorly.”

  “So did I.”

  “I can’t believe we went five years without speaking to each other over a guy like that.”

  “My fault. Not yours.”

  “What did you ever see in him?” Shelley asked.

  “I’ve been trying to answer that question. I think it’s similar to why you ended up in a cult. I was looking for attention and he gave it to me. He was full of flattery and praise.”

  “But it was false flattery just to snag you,” Shelley said. “Not real compliments.”

  “I see that now.”

  They stared at each other across the porch swing.

  “I’m sorry, Shelley,” Madison said.

  “Not more than me.”

  “I think we both really blew it with Gia,” Maddie said.

  “Don’t worry, she’ll forgive us. It’s her nature.”

  “I don’t know about that. She was pretty furious when she left here.”

  “She was the one pushing us to finish that quilt and here she’s the one who destroyed it.”

  “I’m glad she destroyed it,” Maddie said. “I feel freed of Raoul at last. From all the crap in my life that’s kept me stymied. Like not being able to forgive you.”

  “Hey, I did kiss your fiancé. I’m lucky you didn’t deck me.” Shelley chuckled.

  “But you didn’t sleep with him?” Madison looked at Shelley closely.

  “I did not.”

  “Why would he say that you did?” Madison asked, wanting to believe Shelley, but a part of her unable to fully release her five-year grudge.

  Shelley hauled in an audible breath. “I think I know why, but—”

  “Look,” Madison interrupted, pointing. “There’s Puff.”

  Bobbing in the sky down the beach was Gia’s pink dragon kite.

  “Uh-oh,” Shelley said. “If she’s out flying a kite after this . . .” She swept a hand at the quilt mess in the trash bin. “She must be super upset.”

  Shelley was right. Kiteflying was Gia’s happy place, but it was also what she did when she was troubled.

  “Do you think something happened between her and—” Madison didn’t get any further because Mike came bounding over the stone wall looking like a thundercloud.

  “Super-duper upset,” Shelley muttered.

  Mike growled at them as he trod up the steps. “I don’t know what you two did to Gia, but you better go make it right.” His eyes snapped fire. “Now.”

  “What bee got into your bonnet?” Shelley asked.

  “Gia broke up with me because of you two.” He put his hands on his hips.

  Madison had never seen Mike look so fierce or protective. “I thought your engagement was fake.”

  “Maybe to her it was, but it was never fake to me.” The tips of his ears flushed with anger. “I was going to ask her to marry me for real when this silliness was over, but she says there’s too much emotional turmoil in her life right now to figure out if her feelings for me are real or not.”

  “Did you tell her that your feelings were real?” Madison asked.

  “That’s why she gave me this back.” Mike held up his hand with Gia’s engagement ring on his pinkie finger. “When you see her, tell her I’ll be at the kiosk on the boardwalk if she wants to talk.”

  “I’ll fix it.” Shelley jumped up and grabbed Madison’s hand. “We’ll fix it.”

  “We will?” Madison blinked.

  “We will,” Shelley confirmed, dragging Madison down the stairs after her.

  “How?”

  “I’ll explain when we get there.”

  “Explain about what?”

  “Go with the flow for once, will you?” Shelley released Madison’s hand and started walking backward toward the beach, the wind whipping her hair around her face like a golden mane.

  “I—” Madison started to protest but realized, one, Shelley couldn’t hear in the wind since she’d turned back around and, two, her sister was right. If Madison was working on her tendency to control things, she had to get comfortable with letting others take the lead sometimes.

  Okay, maybe comfortable was a strong word. Rephrase. She had to tolerate others taking the lead sometimes.

  That already felt more doable.

  Besides, it was beautiful watching Shelley be her old self again. Infused with joy and the richness of being imperfectly human.

  Could she try that? Not only accept, but embrace her flaws as part and parcel of Madison Clark?

  The thought was terrifying.

  And yet, wildly exhilarating.

  She longed for that girl she used to be. For that innocence she had to leave behind in order to be strong for her younger sisters.

  In abandoning her innocent heart, she’d donned a me-against-the-world attitude that had kept her strong but entrenc
hed her in her ways. That attitude no longer served her.

  By coming home, she’d learned that true strength, real strength, came from being a part of a community. Her willfulness had hindered her growth.

  It had pushed Finn away when she’d needed him most. Had kept her sisters at arm’s length because she was afraid of getting hurt. She had clung to her righteousness and kept punishing Shelley for something that was over and done with. By clinging to her anger, she’d intensified her own pain and kept her family at a distance, when they were the very thing she’d needed in order to heal.

  She thought she was the one who’d been wronged, when in reality it was she who’d wronged the people in her life with her rigid, unbending opinions and judgments. She’d denied her own culpability in alienating her family, friends, and lovers.

  Uncomfortable with her guilt, she’d projected the blame onto others. Then she’d stuffed down her feelings, closed off her emotions because she considered them a sign of weakness and she hated to show vulnerability.

  But inside, she was that tenderhearted, sweet, frightened little girl who’d been forced to don warrior armor to keep herself and her sisters safe twenty long years ago.

  Up ahead on the beach, Gia flew her kite.

  The pink dragon undulated high in the sky. In her solitary silhouette, Madison saw her youngest sister’s raw pain and thought, I caused this.

  Because she’d been so unyielding, so dug into her ways, Gia—the most honest person Madison knew—had been forced to lie.

  A lie that affected her relationship with Mike, the man who loved her.

  Fix this.

  The words rose in Madison’s mind as ironclad as they had the day she’d swept back to Moonglow Cove.

  Fix this.

  And then another, clearer thought stamped out that one. Guidelines for how to live her life from this day forward.

  Don’t fix. Listen.

  Then leaving Shelley behind, Madison kicked into a run and caught up with her kiteflying sister.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Shelley & Gia

  DRUNKARD’S PATH: A quilt block created from sewing a concave curve to a convex curve.

  SHELLEY STUDIED HER sisters deep in conversation and felt her gut wrench. What she must do would not be easy.